Non-News

And this is why I’ve been quiet - nothing is happening, and everything is bollocks.
Tiger Woods says he’s sorry for doing something irrelevant to golf to people who purely watch him to, you know, play golf.
Some people think they’ll be able to take JK Rowling for a billion based on the blistering accusation that she wrote a 636 page novel on the back of material gleaned by plagiarising a 36 page pamphlet, which may also have also featured a child wizard in a bathroom.
Lucky citizens were issued some new paperwork today,  in order to make sure records are correct and that they are in fact themselves.   A nation breathes a sigh of relief.
Increasingly irrelevant idiot talks bollocks and pretends to understand a fucking thing while embarrassed hacks look on.   His semi-lucid dribblings were met with approval by the spokesman from a chimp’s tea party next door, right before he tried to eat his own feet.
Communist saboteurs foiled in plot to destroy airline.  Apparently their foaming mouthed hatred of profitability was so acute that several of their number had to be restrained from gnawing on the corporate logo in the car park.

Seriously, fuck this. 
Do something far more constructive and go here to make sure you’re qualified to use the internet.