Friday, 28 May 2010

Project Pluto

While talking to Dave about the post on nuclear power to rule them all, he brought up the subject of a nuclear-powered supersonic cruise missile. I thought he doth jest. I thought wrong. So, so wrong.

image Damnit, you were just too awesome

This machine was Project Pluto, and was a gigantic high powered missile designed by the Americans in the 50s/60s to zoom over Russia throwing out H-bombs. It would be difficult to intercept because it would cruise at Mach 3.0 at low altitude. This has the fringe benefit of leaving a swath of destruction behind it from the shockwave. The power demand would be vast (generally we try for high speed in thin air at high altitude), so it was powered by a nuclear ramjet. Suck the air in, heat it by passing it through the reactor, exhaust it for power. Essentially infinite range. They got as far as building this 'engine' and test running it out in the Nevada desert (with the exhaust just venting into atmosphere...). The plan fell down on the practical impossibility of ever flight testing this thing. It would cause devastating damage if it went wrong. And how to evaluate the test? The reactor had no poncy stuff like shielding, so you couldn't land it. Or fly it over land. Which meant you couldn't do a realistic test. So they gave up. The designers were confronted by a problem that is actually quite majestic - that this planet is too small to safely test their creation.

And these tests have gone wrong before. In the '80s some guys in Brazil found a 50's vintage US 'Snark' cruise missile (with just jets, but a 5000 mile range) in the jungle that had become lost on a test flight in 1959 and disappeared. The Snark was noted for a special combination of extreme unreliability and almost comical inaccuracy. Few weapons can be fitted with a huge nuclear bomb, function as designed, and still have an excellent chance of doing no damage at all to their intended target. Even if the target was a house of cards. Assuming no systematic error (and I wouldn't), 50% of them would hit within 17 miles of their aim-point.....and some non-zero percentage would end up on the wrong continent.

So probably for the best they didn't scale that up and go nuclear.

The Nuclear Option

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I would be saying nothing new by pointing out the increasing disparity between electricity production and demand in the UK.  Indeed, some grapevines have it that it was a good job that the recession (and it’s associated reduction in industrial demand) came along when it did, or we may have run into trouble already. Even today, at times of maximum demand electricity supplies are stretched to the limit and predicting and allowing for future demand is subject to major uncertainties. Not the least of these is the security of fuel supplies and future prices as world demand rises and home produced supplies diminish. There has been some tinkering around the edges by way of grid diversification with some renewables, but the uncertainties cast considerable doubt as to whether or not the lights will go out at some point in the not-so-distant future. But we are where we are, and all that remains to be seen is how UK industry proceeds and how the new government helps, hinders or otherwise interferes.

Labour have left this government with certain commitments toward reducing carbon emissions (80 per cent by 2050) and EU targets on renewables as a proportion of the grid (20 per cent by 2020).  Problem is, your standard ‘green’ renewables really aren’t in a state of maturity and effectiveness such that they can replace conventional power generation in any significant manner.  Wind power remains an intermittent source (by it’s very nature) with high maintenance costs and relatively short operating life. Consequently, after the initial fad, commercial turbine demand has fallen 38 per cent since 2008. On the back of this, the last government made up the difference by increasing the subsidy on wind farms by way of increased Renewable Obligation Certificates.  Wave, tidal and estuarial resources, which to my mind hold a great deal of promise (The Severn estuary has the world’s second largest tidal range and is predictable to the minute for hundreds of years) , will nevertheless be in no position to contribute much any time soon due to scale, technological immaturity and the timescales involved.

imageChrist, they’re useless 

There is also the fact that any future low-carbon fossil-fuelled plants are going to be forced to adopt carbon sequestration and storage (CSS) processes; a strategy fraught because, well, we’re not sure how many stations are going to be suitable for retro-fitting and the technology itself is, again, in it’s infancy. There is also the problem of geological repositories which needs sorting.  Projections reckon that CSS will reduce power station efficiency by 7 per cent, making them unlikely to beat 40 per cent efficiency.  This has negative production cost implications and is below what nuclear stations can achieve.

And on that note, let’s talk about nuclear power.  Once again I have recruited My Mate Dave to cooperate on this post.  Without fellating him too much, he is an expert in nuclear power, and so between us (mainly him) we’re going to tell you what to think on the matter.  You’re welcome.

The first major stumbling block with nuclear power is that the industry has as a well-deserved reputation for wealth destruction, right up there with the airlines. But affordability is relative, and as the availability of cheap fossil fuels diminishes and the costs subsequently increase, that route starts looking a lot more attractive.
In a concession to the generally anti-nuke LibDems, the coalition government has decreed that nuclear power has to pay for itself without public subsidy. Despite being told they’re not getting a handout,  EDF and E.On are still up to build, so they at least believe the economics favour them. EDF are still proposing to crack on and apply for planning permission for Hinkley Point C this winter, with a plan to complete construction by 2017. Likewise E.On say the change of government (and policy) doesn't bother them and that they'll announce their selected reactor supplier this year. E.On propose to construct first at the Wylfa site. They were both sounding committed in this weeks scintillating 'Nucleonics Week'. 

It’s well known that in France and Japan people pay quite a lot more for power, but obviously not prohibitively so. More ‘stuff’ gets made in both than the UK, so clearly it's working for them. And since our government’s energy policy is fairly opaque beyond 2012, should pragmatism sway the state down the path of public subsidy, a benefit you can see glimmering on the horizon is geopolitical freedom, in addition to all that climate change goodness and improved air quality. A carbon tax (or trading scheme) would obviously be a good thing for the nuclear industry, assuming it was applied fairly (at present, nuclear power generators have to pay the full rate climate change levy in the UK -  logic unknown).

By way of planning and longevity: a modern station will sell with a design life of 60-70 years. Most of the LWRs (Light Water Reactor) built in large numbers in the 70s and 80s were designed for 40 years. The vast majority of these are expected to actually operate for 60 years after some overhaul. The parts that typically need replacing (after 30-40 years) are steam generators, pressurisers and RPV (Reactor Pressure Vessel) heads. New ones will have better materials (notably the replacement of Inconel 600 SG tubes and head penetrations with Inconel 690 or 800M; which has much less susceptibility to stress-corrosion cracking -  a corrosion mechanism not understood when they were originally built), so may last better. They replaced the head at Sizewell B after only 10 years to get one with new materials, so clearly they feel the lower future maintenance is worth it.

In terms of fuel requirement, a typical reactor will run for 18 months and then shut down for a month or two to replace 40% of the core. This is about 30-35 tons of fuel. So to make all of the UKs electricity from nuclear would need about 900 tons of finished fuel per year. Now the finished fuel is isotopically enriched from 0.7% U-235 to ~4.5%, so the original uranium requirement would be (according to the back of Dave’s fag packet) about 10,500te a year. This evidently can be stockpiled, as the density of uranium is so high it will fit into pretty small space. Dave tells me he has been in the same room as two thousand tons of uranium metal (density of 19g/cc - lead is a mere 11.3), and it wasn't a very big room. Perhaps 5-a-side pitch-sized, but 3D. That 2000te is, by the way, about 11 months of what the UK will need in this calendar year. That wasn't a strategic stockpile; this was about 2002 and typical of the efficiency of BNFL's manufacturing that we had that sort of mass of material 'in-process'. The thing with natural uranium is that it cannot become critical unmoderated, so you can pile it up without concern. It’s safe it it floods too, as normal water won't work. In the UK we have a domestic conversion plant at Springfields (to make the natural stuff into uranium hexafluoride for the enrichment plants to use), an enrichment plant (Capenhurst, Cheshire), fuel manufacture (Springfields again) and the reactors, so we could stock it as ore-concentrate as it come off the boat (in 200l drums).

As 40-50% of global uranium production is in Canada and Australia, this resource has the novel feature of being concentrated in countries that are stable, democratic and not currently economically shafted. It also has the feature that the cost of power produced is dominated by the capital cost of construction, fuel price is just a small part, and given that fuel manufacture is far more of an engineering activity than mineral processing, the ore cost is pretty minor. In the same way the cost of iron-ore is not noticeable in the sale price of a new Mercedes: $100/te or $200/te is negligible compared to whether you went for parking sensors. In the last 10 years the cost of fuel went from $7/lb U3O8 (Triuranium octoxide) to $45/lb. When the oil price nearly squares bad things often happen. The effect on price of nuclear electricity  - pretty much zip. 

image Lovely, lovely yellowcake

Current 'reasonably assured' reserves  (a strict category) at $45/lb of 5.5 million tons are enough for current demand (65,000te/year) for 80 years. There are also 10.5 million tons of other reserves (either less certain or more expensive) and 22 million tons in phosphate rock. Phosphate rock is not currently exploited for uranium but for fertiliser, but back in the 80s when uranium prices were high (to allow the really quite ridiculous build of weapons grade material embarked on during the cold war) this used to happen. About 20% of US production came this way, with other production from this source in Sweden and other places; so this isn't a speculative tech. All in, even with no reprocessing and just with current reactor designs, we could supply ALL -not just currently nuclear- Earth's current electricity generation for over 90 years.   Calcs available for anyone who actually reads as far as the end in order to comment.

With current reactors and reprocessing tech we could expand this 30% or so by recovering the plutonium in spent fuel and putting it in new fuel. And then in the future we can go back to fast reactors, which would expand the resource base 50 times (without even thinking about the thorium - there's more energy in this planet’s thorium than in the uranium). There's one been running well in Russia for 20 years or so, and they're building it a big brother. The Chinese have also brought 2 of these off Ivan for themselves, which they plan to start building soon. The French plan one more generation of PWR (Pressurized Water Reactor) and then from 2040-2050 replace them with fast reactors. The Japanese are likely to follow suit.

So, if we replace the current electricity generating infrastructure (starting with coal) with nuclear, we get a huge CO2 reduction and a reduction on the need for imported gas. Now, back in the 80's the industry was completing about 20 reactors per year, so this rate is reproducible. To recover from it's current low level it'll need 10-15 years to develop a new supplier base. But as we now have much greater total industrial capacity, the WNA reckons 70 GW per year is on the cards by 2025. Continuing the growth after that, 150GW per year could replace all electricity generation in 30 years (including that which is already nuclear). So it's actually doable, amazingly. Which other low carbon energy source can say that? 1.6GW day-in, day-out for 18 months would be amazing for wind power; it's the basic unit for nuclear.

And with the impressive developments in electric cars (and this is from Dave, the world’s foremost luddite - who is still not sure about fuel injection), it's entirely realistic to expect a decent (as in so good you'd have to be him to stick to burning stuff) one of these to come along some time in the next 20-30 years. Which would mean cars and light goods vehicles could ultimately be run on nuclear generated power. That's about half global oil consumption that would go.

Fortunately they seem to have already started. All the worlds reactors suppliers are building at full stretch. The miners are opening new mines. More companies are getting qualified to make parts, including the huge forgings. Really, the WNA figure of 70 per year isn't mad. The press enjoyed reporting that there was only one company in the world (Japan Steel, fact fans) that could make the pressure vessels for nuclear reactors. Actually it was one part of the vessel for one design, but anyway; they're doubling production capacity there and there should be 7 suppliers in 6 countries in 5 years. Maybe including Sheffield Forgemasters. This is the sort of hi-end work we could still make money at.

If they can build 70GW per year that's 52-ish units. These could displace 2.2EJ of generating capacity per year; which would replace all current capacity in 70 years or so. The current nuclear plants won't last 70 years, so this includes replacing them. There is no other low carbon tech that has this kind of scale. For countries with slow growth in use, like the UK, that would work. Provide increased capacity with nuclear power, then replace coal, then gas. A slow changeover, but all of the UKs electricity from 35-40 reactors is possible. I would note that in 1989 there were 39 operating nuclear reactors in the UK (average unit size was smaller back then - needed the same number of staff though). With electric cars we could maybe even meet our 80% cut by 2050 target. 

However, on a global scale cutting CO2 by 80% by 2050 is, I'd say, simply impossible. Building lots of nuclear plant is our best option, but the elephant in the corner is rising demand. They're adding about 50GW of capacity (almost all coal fired) per year in China - we'd use 35 units a year just stopping Chinese electricity generation emitting more CO2. And then there's India....

Fortunately, in gearing up for mass production humankind does well, so maybe the capacity to build and fuel 100 new units a year is possible. Coal production in Australia has doubled in 10 years, without a sniff of state support (indeed, whilst paying royalties), so I can't see what would be different with other resources there. The environmentalists and the 'that rock is sacred' brigade are, I think, a constant factor whatever you're digging for.

Going back to the most recent Energy Act that Labour produced, the narrative was very much all about 'fuel poverty' and carbon capture. With a cynical head on, we'd say it provides a way to bang out a few more coal burners that are "capable of being fitted with carbon capture equipment" whilst some sort of trial goes on to prove it won't work in practice and thus the plants are ultimately not fitted with it and everybody except the greenies rejoices in a good result. Any changes to the last government's plans to allow the nuclear industry to short circuit planning regs would be a pain though; a 4-year public enquiry to build on an existing site would screw things up royally.

So there you have it - feel our enthusiasm, hive-mind.  All that remains is to see whether rationality wins the day.
Else, buy candles. 

Thursday, 27 May 2010

That’s how it’s done, BP

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I do not envy the brass at BP right now.   Still, there is a better way of dealing with such trifling matters as well leaks-  the Russians had this sorted ages ago:

PEACEFUL NUCLEAR EXPLOSIONS

Nuclear explosions were used for extinguishing of large gas fountains, which did away with millions of cube meters of gas. First time in the world the gas fountain was extinguished by nuclear explosion on 30 September 1966 in Urta-Bulak, in Uzbekistan.

image Note the 'form factor' to allow down-hole insertion

Once again, my mate Dave tells me the biggest ones used for this application were about 30kT; as they need to be a decent size to fuse enough ground into glass to seal the well.

I mean, they are just sitting there…

Wednesday, 26 May 2010

Bloody Someday

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Well, no rush fellas, take your time by all means.

Lord Saville, who conducted the investigation into one of the most infamous incidents of the Troubles, will make his findings public 12 years after the probe was commissioned by then prime minister Tony Blair.

Thirteen people died on January 30, 1972 when soldiers from the British Parachute Regiment opened fire on crowds during a civil rights demonstration in Derry.

So what do we have here?

1972 - The Widgery report says:

It’s alright, they were being shot at.

2010 – The Saville report (12 years after it started and £190 million later) says (probably):

Ok, maybe they weren’t. 

Seriously, what have they done to possibly justify the time and expense incurred?
From a statement to parliament at the time:

Let me make it clear that the aim of the inquiry is not to accuse individuals or institutions, or to invite fresh recriminations, but to establish the truth about what happened on that day, so far as that can be achieved at 26 years' distance. It will not be easy, and we are all well aware that there were particularly difficult circumstances in Northern Ireland at that time.

Well if you hurry up, some of those involved might still be alive.  Hang on though:

The tribunal heard evidence in the Guild Hall in Derry and in London between 2000 and 2005.

And they’ve spent 5 years writing it up?
Christ, it better be good.

Tuesday, 25 May 2010

UNITE for..what, exactly?

So yesterday some airborne waiting staff have decided that they really do tire of employment and that it’d be best all round if their erstwhile employer was driven out of business:  

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I honestly don’t get it.  You often hear of strikes threatened by workers when a failing company announces that they are going to have to lay off staff/cut wages/do something otherwise unpleasant in order to improve profitability. What are the strikers trying to achieve in these situations? “You’re doing stuff we don’t like because we’re not making money, so we’re going to make sure the company makes even less money in order to teach you a lesson”.  The chasms in this logic can’t be lost on them, surely?     

The cabin crew at BA are the best paid in the business.  Thing is, BA have faced some rather pressing commercial challenges and are losing money in an increasingly competitive market.  Now if you have a business which is failing, you must take steps in order to reverse your fortunes and survive.  Such is life.  With this in mind, BA have been in negotiations with Unite for over 15 months. Within the company, every working group except the Cabin Crew has agreed savings of the order of 5-10%, largely through salary reductions. The remuneration of the BA cabin crew is about twice that of the market average of the other airlines, and BA have been trying to address this for some time –opposed every step of the way by Unite, who generally threaten to strike every few years. This is the reason Mrs Slug and I never book BA near a public holiday (if it’s not air staff its the damn baggage handlers or caterers).

I know a stewardess who works for BA, and senior management within the company is widely despised and has been for some time, but the rest of the company sees the cabin crew –who have conceded the least to keep the company afloat- consistently holding the airline and the travelling public to ransom in order to maintain their own wildly unrealistic pay and conditions, and there is very little sympathy.  They suffer from the sense of entitlement common to so many employees of de-nationalised institutions: expecting their old cut from the magic money pot.  This is the result of weak management giving in to unions when times were better.  Plainly this cannot continue. 

Those choosing to strike when the business is in bad shape are basically telling their employer that they don't care whether the business goes bust, so long as they get their bit. I could blame the management here for fostering a working environment so mercenary that there is no loyalty to fall back on when times get tough.  But the situation is what it is and the times are tough (and likely to get tougher) and it's time to be realistic; the status quo cannot be maintained. The thoroughly shafted British economy has or will have all of us doing more for less –even parasites like me- and crew getting bloodyminded with BA management has only one inevitable outcome which won't be pleasant for anyone: employees, shareholders or customers.

Nobody has the absolute right to a job. The right to work has to be earned.  If I don't like my job, then I leave and find something that I do like.  Failing that, I find the least awful job that pays the best in order to provide more options later.  If BA cabin crew don't like working for BA any longer, then they have the absolute right to leave and find alternative employment. Similarly, employers have the right to make employees perform the role they're paid for, and if you withdraw your labour, those who run the business have to do without you as best they can –normally illustrating just how indispensible you are not and labelling those who are best got rid of at some point in the future.

I could like speculate about staff/union motivations in this whole thing  like Jackart:

This strikes me as so HEROICALLY counterproductive, the only reason I can see for this is the internal politics of the Labour movement. A big strike, and a high profile corporate casualty would strengthen UNITE and Wheelan in the battle to shape the Labour party. BA employees voting for a strike are pawns in someone else's game of chess.

Possible, or they could be vying for re-nationalisation; assuming that BA would be considered ‘too big to fail’.  Or they could just be idiotic ingrates who can’t count. 
Whatever.
One thing’s for certain: if they don’t grip reality by both lapels pretty sharpish, the situation will resolve itself for them, and they’ll see how much a tarted-up waiter with first-aid training is actually worth down the jobcentre these days. 

Quangos beget Quangos

From email correspondence with friends:

I see that the proposed cuts to Britain's spending involves the creation of a 'Efficiency and Reform Group'.

This is an excellent quango. How can you possibly get rid of a quango whose purpose is to improve quango efficiency?

I exude efficiency. I shall apply.

Indeed. My patience and post-electoral goodwill on the back of agreeable soundbites is pretty much spent.  Stop all this fucking about, Clammeron, and give us our bonfire.

Monday, 24 May 2010

Wakefield Struck Off

imageWhat a fucking hero 

Wow, there’s a title that has been too long coming, but there it is. Anyone who is a long-time reader (Hi Mum!) will know my particular distaste for this guy, the reasons for which I shall probably have to go over again in a moment.  Uncle Marvo wants to know why only he among the libertarian-tainted blogs is prepared to stick up for the good doctor in this obvious witch hunt:

Here's my twopenn'orth.
Dr Andrew Wakefield announced, from some data that he put together, that there was a possibility that the MMR jab could be linked to increased risk of autism.
Thanks, Doc. I'll make my own judgment from here on in.
I bought the alternative, non-combined vaccine, from Switzerland. I trust the Swiss government more than the Fabians. I trust Lucifer more than I trust the Fabians.
I paid a Doc to administer it to my two youngest kids.
They are not autistic. Perhaps they never would have been. Who knows? I don't. You don't. Andrew Wakefield doesn't.
My choice. I make lots of choices. More than most people.
Andrew, I hope your life gets better and goes well from here on in. You had the decency to give me the information, and I made a conscious decision to act in the way I saw best fit for my children.
It's called freedom, that is. Libertarians are supposed to be all for it.

Well, allow me to illuminate as to why I am plainly such a corporatist, freedom-hating shill and why I hope that Andrew Wakefield spends the rest of his natural life in disgrace and penury. Just to maintain everyone's interest though, please pop over here first and see all the facts laid out in cartoon form, ‘cause I like to keep it high-brow.  You back? Right. 

I made a stab at covering the science of his studies -such as it is- last year, but I’ll sum up:  Wakefield and chums performed a study of a massive 12(!) subjects, 10 of the children were autistic and he reckoned he’d found a pattern amongst them of intestinal inflammation. The Parents of 8 of these kids thought they had developed symptoms of autism right after they had the MMR jab. However, his report stated clearly:

We did not prove an association between measles, mumps and rubella vaccine and the syndrome described . Virological studies are underway an may help resolve the issue.

Despite not finding a damn thing, Wakefield went to the press and called for the triple jab to be scrapped for single vaccines until “the issue had been resolved”. Of course single jabs weren’t widely available so many parents just didn’t bother.  Compliance with the MMR schedule dropped from 92% in the UK down to 85%, and measles cases soared from only 58 cases in 1998 to 1,348 cases in 2008. Which is just over a 2000% increase. Of those 1348, two kids died.
In one hospital in Ireland, 100 children were admitted for pneumonia and brain swelling caused by measles and of those, three died.

Then it turned out that what science they did do was flawed and couldn’t be replicated by anyone else, and that his hypothesis was fanciful bollocks based on exactly nothing.

Thing is, regardless of the bullshit science, the conclusions that Wakefield and chums came up with weren’t the problem –at least not entirely. No, as you can read here, the big issues which have dragged them in front of their peers are how they went about acquiring those results.

Wakefield ordered invasive and potentially harmful studies (colonoscopies and lumbar punctures) on the children without proper approval and contrary to the children’s clinical interests. One child suffered multiple bowel perforations during the colonoscopy. Several had problems with the anaesthetic. Children were subjected to sedation for other non-indicated tests like MRIs.
When human research is conducted, it must be approved by the facilities' ethics board. This study was not approved. It also turns out he bought blood samples for his research from children as young as four who were attending his son's birthday party - which he paid them a fiver for, because he’s classy like that.
And it gets better:  2 years prior to the study, Wakefield had been approached by a lawyer representing autistic children, who then specifically hired Wakefield to do research to find evidence to support a class-action lawsuit against MMR vaccine manufacturers. The children to be studied were the children of the lawyer's clients, and 11 of the 12 studied were eventually litigants. Obviously, Wakefield failed to disclose any of this in his report.
He also failed to disclose the half-million pounds in legal aid cash he received from the lawyer, via his Wife's company.
If all that wasn’t damning enough, it was discovered that Wakefield had patented his own 'alternative' MMR vaccine prior to conducting his research, and would stand to make a massive profit if he could reduce confidence enough in the existing vaccine. 
Can anyone spell ‘conflict of interest’?

So no, Marvo, in all honesty I’ll have to disagree with your assessment of the man; He is a grasping, mercenary scumbag whose ‘work’ actually has a bodycount.  It’s just a shame that he has only faced professional censure.  Better late than never, mind. 

Friday, 21 May 2010

And this is why the Internet is a good thing

Brief bit of uplifting distraction for you all:
Via Sciencepunk on twitter, I find this Metafilter thread where you can read –in real time- the commenters mobilising to save two Russian girls from human trafficking:

Help me help my friend

Superb.

Takeaway points?
People are generally good if you let them be.
Kafkaesque immigration/employment laws of the kind seen both in the US and here are both irrational and counterproductive.
Vice laws are religious laws and solve exactly nothing (the perceived ‘problems’ certainly don’t disappear) while generating money for organised crime – there would be nothing to organise if there was no ‘crime’ in the first place.

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Meanwhile

I’m going to stop making up excuses for recent lack of posting as it’s becoming more the rule than the exception. That said, while I’m ruminating on perhaps one day having an opinion on something, I would point you in the direction of this guy who is a friend-of-a-friend and an artist in the videogames industry.  He is also drop forged out of 24 carat awesome (click for the full majesty):

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Genius.

Whatever passes for normal service here will resume shortly.

Thursday, 13 May 2010

Honeymoon

It’s been a bit weird, this election season.  It’s gone from stupefyingly dull during the campaigns and the debates, to vaguely interesting at the count (with some rather random results), to a bit uncertain after the results were compiled, to some bollocky horsetrading in the aftermath, to what we have now – which is apparently some kind of feel-good, slapstick, buddy comedy.  I fully expect to see Clegg and Cameron sharing a ride in an out-of-control bathtub down a hill at some point when that week’s harebrained scheme goes awry. The little scamps.

To be fair to them, it’s not been too bad so far. They’ve wasted no time at all in ditching HIPS, ID cards, the NAT register and the detention of kids stuck in the immigration system. These are Good Things. Also, the Libdems policy of raising the tax-free allowance to 10 grand has been agreed upon and there’s lots of positive noise about free-schools, elected chief constables and that Great Repeal Bill we all hunger for. So far, so Doug Carswell.

Frankly though, every time I hear anyone mention £6 Billion in ‘savings’, my heart sinks a bit.  It’s all very well and good pronouncing the cancellation of things which are eminently cancellable (like the ID card scheme),  but sorting out a structural £167 Billion deficit requires a bit more thought and effort.  I mean, assuming they sort the bulk of that with spending cuts and not tax rises (the 20% VAT is pretty much a given, though), doesn’t that mean reducing spending on everything by about 20%?  Not going to be pleasant.

With that in mind, why not join me in my favourite game of  What would I cut? Courtesy of  that graphic the Grun produced last September (which I keep a copy of on my desk to remind me of my place in things – see ‘Research Councils’ on the top-left).

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(Click for PDF)

‘Tis pretty obvious that the behemoths that are Health, Benefits and Education are going to have to take a kicking, and that kicking will not be popular.  Weathering the inevitable animosity -in addition to the resentment from many of the members of both parties who feel betrayed by the compromises inherent to this coalition- is going to be a challenge, to say the least.  I’m not even mentioning the assorted hassles - practical and political- of the EU and our involvement therein; nor am I mentioning the absence of any indication of reigning back the increasingly pernicious nannying in our lives so symptomatic of the previous administration. They can wait for the time being.

So, until they actually say anything substansive (i.e realistically unpleasant) on the economy and give us some idea what the gen is, I’m reigning in my optimism for this government for the sake of my own fragile state of mind. It is far better to be pessimistic from the start: that way you can only be pleasantly surprised later. 

Gordon may have set the bar low for expectations; but he shat all over the running track before he went.

Monday, 10 May 2010

Get thee gone

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“Get the fuck out, you incomprehensibly useless waste of carbon”   - The Queen, yesterday

 

And as soon as he opened his mouth, the Pound tanked. 
The man is a vortex of economic strife, sweeping through life destroying all prosperity he beholds. He is plainly too dangerous to be allowed to remain free:  Take him away, discard him down a disused mineshaft, fill it with cement, line it with lead and let us never speak of him again. 

In time he will be the stuff of myth, a subject to be discussed in terrified awe whenever economists meet to trade tales of bowel-trembling terror in hushed whispers around campfires. And still they will never really know the depths of the awful truth.

What’re you doing Nick?

After a long quiet weekend of interested observation, I had had planned to write something vaguely optimistic about the future of the country in the hands of the LibDems and the Tories. Something along the lines of the best of both worlds: Tory economics and Liberal social policy.  I had a happy vision of a possible future filled with repeal bills and economic woes being nipped in the bud before we go the way of the Mediterranean. 
It seems I may have been sorely mistaken. 
The Libs are apparently countenancing the idea of of a coalition with Labour – a concept so vile I have problems typing it. 

The markets have been relatively kind to us for as long as the Tory/LD coalition has been on the cards. However, If Clegg heeds the call of the Mandlesnake,  the same markets will fuck us through the floor in short order.  But maybe he’s just playing both sides off against the middle, getting the best deal for his side.  I could understand that.  I shall give him the benefit of the doubt as I view the news through my fingers.

Don’t you dare, Clegg.

Thursday, 6 May 2010

‘Tis done

The filthy deed is done, but as I –like AJ- have been spared the burden of removing the threat of a resident Labour MP (as they haven’t a prayer in the Royal county), I’m less fussed about my vote as I am for getting down to Sutton tonight and watching the breathless majesty of democracy in action with Martin.  I’ll take the netbook and write about all the nothing as it doesn’t happen.  Will probably join in the liveblogging stuff at DickP’s place too, though.

In the meantime, in case you’re all in high spirits, remember this?

image

Well here’s today’s offering from the same swamp-dweller:

mong

Oh go on, give him a chance; he hasn’t found his stride yet. All he needs is a few more years at the helm and all will be well. No, wait, the other thing.

Response:genius

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

Is that it, then?

So it’s the final push and all of the leaders are pulling out the stops.  iDave has decided to say things people actually want to hear regarding the repeal of outrageously illiberal laws– as though doing so 4 days before the damn poll in any way convinces us of his sincerity; Clegg has told the military establishment to go fuck their overrated selves; and the Labour territory of the twittery-bloggy world was abuzz with talk of Brown’s supposedly epoch-making speech to CitizensUK, which apparently had even non-partisan viewers moved.
Well, I live to be surprised and thoroughly shaken from my preconceptions, so lets have a butcher’s shall we?

Right. Am I dead inside and some kind of sociopathic arch-Tory stereotype, or was anyone else utterly unmoved?
To read the comments for that clip you would’ve been forgiven for thinking he’d just wandered down from Mount Sinai brandishing tablets, as apposed to knocking out a trite list of ‘things that we like to talk about but utterly fail to do in every possible way because we are the most incompetent bastards this side of Mars’. 
It was certainly a good speech by his standards, but I’m honestly staggered at the scale of the psychological compartmentalisation required to cheer this fucking berserker on, knowing just how his actions have compared to his words.  He’s had 13 years -breaking every promise he ever made- to demonstrate this vision of compassion and social justice he’s banging on about, and to talk now of ‘change’ is just odd, as it surely suggests a break from the dire situation he has created. Well OK then, we’ll do our best to facilitate that as soon as possible, don’t you worry.

One of the commenters on the Youtube page rather dramatically frames this quote from the monologue thusly:

"When Cicero spoke to the crowds in ancient Rome, people turned to each other after hearing the speech and said 'Great speech'. But when Demosthenes spoke to the crowds in ancient Greece and people turned to each other, they said: 'Let's march.' Let's march for justice, dignity and fairness. That's what we have all got to march for, and let's march for it together." Gordon Brown (3rd May 2010)

To which I can only add that Demosthenes was a hell of a speaker but he went on to lose his war and ended up topping himself in shame.
Not that I’m suggesting anything, obviously.

Oh and as CF pointed out yesterday, Chicken Yogurt has this fucker nailed into the ground:

‘If you fight for fairness, you will always find in me a friend, a partner and a brother,’ said Brown in his speech yesterday. Reading that next to an account of a child refugee screaming in the night at Yarl’s Wood makes my lunch rise. (Brown was non-commital at best when question about child detention. He ‘wanted no child to suffer’. Which is nice.) It reminds me of what Jamie Kenny said about George Best when the old bastard died:

I’m a football fan, but fuck the football too. It meant nothing from the moment he first raised his hand to his wife. If he could have avoided living like a swine by staying in Belfast and working at Tesco’s, then he should have done that.

I’m a fairness fan, but fuck the minimum wage too (wave it at the family living on lentils). Brown’s ‘achievements’ meant nothing from the moment that child first started to scream.

Get thee gone, thou churlish fly-bitten hedge-pig.

Insult © W..Shakespeare

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Ropey

Since they’re all at it, I give you the Shatner version of Common People:

Sweet Jesus, behold his insane genius.

Update: Arrgh, MrCivLib beat me to him.  Nevermind, there’s plenty of Shat for everyone.